Communication That Empowers

As I have been studying towards my Somatic Trauma Informed Qualification this is an area that got me self-reflecting on and also forward thinking about how I can contribute to making a difference in how we communicate within my company and every interaction I have really. 

I understand the impact of trauma on communication and I have thought a lot about how I can integrate this within my work as a Virtual Assistant to better support my wonderful clients. 

Some of the ways I believe I can make significant changes is by using clear, respectful methods in my work to ensure we are always on the same page. This I believe will help build trust between us and empower you to use your voice in your business. 

Before I started as a Virtual Assistant I already had to some degree an awareness of the importance communication plays in the workplace and our everyday lives. It wasn’t until I experienced more in life, and stayed curious, that I learned more and more about the profound impact  ( good and not so good ) communication can have, not just with ourselves but with others. 

When I studied and qualified as an NLP Practitioner I remember very vividly learning about how we can make a difference in what we say or what we write to others to ensure that it doesn’t trigger them. Now whilst we can’t ultimately control how another receives that information, our words, our communication, I do believe there is a lot of truth in what I discovered. 

At first, I didn’t, I remember thinking, that I can’t be held responsible for how others take what I say or write, that is their work to do. And yes, for sure it will reveal to others who have self-awareness areas that they get to work on, but not everyone we meet or will come to meet, does have this level of self-awareness and, sometimes what we say can trigger others. 

So knowing this, how can we do better? 

This is a question and one personally where I have come to learn several things that maybe you might find useful or even already know. But this is what has worked for me over the years. 

-Listen to understand, not to respond. 

-Pause. Not wanting to react immediately through words we write or say in the moment we hear or read something because to do this we would be responding based on how we feel in that moment, and sometimes how we feel isn’t the best place to make decisions or give a response from. Im sure as you read this, you have maybe already recalled moments where this might be true for you too.

Of course, we are all only human, and so even with this awareness, it isn’t something that we get right all of the time, because we are human beings having a human experience and with that, we have our thoughts and emotions that we must deal with. But, it sure does help from where I used to be in my thinking and my knowledge to help move me forward and build on being a better communicator in homes, life and in business.

As I look now at how my learning and studies cross over into my own business I ask myself the question ‘What if, for some clients, past experiences make clear communication a challenge?’ How can I help? The truth is, in the past, there have been plenty of situations where I wasn’t equipped with the knowledge or tools to do this effectively. 

The second question that came up was asking myself ‘How have my own past experiences made communicating with others a challenge?’

I simply didn’t think I could answer the first question without first exploring it for and of myself. 

Behind the scenes and not always what you see online on socials I have had difficult situations as the owner of my business to deal with. Some have floored me and impacted me negatively. I have seen things online written about me, but never mentions my name directly and I have also borne the brunt of unpleasant behaviour from others that has shocked me. I realised that these incidents contributed to my trauma in the online space and that I had just found a way to ‘get over’ and move on but it never really does, the impact of those incidents reveals itself in other ways and that was the case for me I just hadn’t been aware at the time. 

I look back at these moments now in my studies, self-reflecting and thinking about ‘What was going on for that person to have said what they said?’ whilst also bringing it back to myself and asking honestly ‘What is going on for me right now to feel how I am feeling reading or listening to what is being said to me?’ It is empowering to be able to explore both those perspectives. And definitely another blog for another time.

So you could say, that my journey into Somatic Trauma-Informed practices became way more invaluable to me than I ever could of first imagined. 

It all started with a simple desire to better support other female business owners. But first I wanted to go through and look inward at myself. So I could truly understand and do the work too, which is what in essence embodies something that looks and feels like for me. We learn, we experience, we integrate. 

Many of the women I have and continue to work with are juggling a lot- building dreams, managing families, going through ill health, perimenopause, menopause and navigating the ever-present hustle culture. 

My role was to come in and support taking things off their hands with their businesses so that it gave them back more time. To do more of that they love. Whilst that is the case I discovered that it was and is so much more than this.  

For some clients, there can be an undercurrent of something else going on, a hesitancy to speak up, a fear of being misunderstood or difficulty articulating their needs. 

This is where I choose to show up and be present for my clients beyond the to-do lists and tasks. 

I have delved into the world of somatic trauma and it has opened my eyes to how past experiences, both big and small, can impact the way we communicate. Triggers, hypervigilance and even difficulty expressing emotions can all stem from past trauma. 

BeingTrauma-Informed and integrating this modality with my business as a Virtual Assistant isn’t about diagnosing or delving into personal histories with my clients, it is about being able to create safe and supportive environments for communication. When clients feel this space, conversations naturally take place, they are not forced nor expected when we work together. Here are some examples of how I have now incorporated these into my business and how I work.